Mays Email

Fellow General Managers and Owners of the Gridiron,

We at the San Francisco 49ers hope everyone has had a good summer despite all the tenuous CBA talks. It feels good to be back on the field, am I right?! Here in Frisco, we’re swamped trying to keep up with Seattle, St. Louis and Arizona (you wily dogs, you!) and our new coach Jim Harbaugh is learning the ropes.

Jim’s doing his best, but he’s still getting used to this whole ‘players don’t view him as a father figure and don’t care what he has to say’ type deal. It’s rough for him. I think he keeps in constant contact with his brother for guidance. Because Jim doesn’t seem to know what he’s doing, we’ve decided to act the same way to make him feel comfortable. We have done very little in terms of free agency, but we’re waiting for the right opportunity. At least we tied up Alex Smith, which was a huge relief.

But allow us to be more direct in reference to what this mass email to every team in the NFL is about. We want to trade Taylor Mays to you! Any one of you! Think of him as the young kid at USC with the high draft stock, not the player who plummeted due to concerns about his ability to play safety on the professional level. If you look at it that way, you’d be stealing from us! Jim doesn’t know much about defense, but as you all well know, the USC/Stanford thing can be a bit too much to overcome. To each his own.

Look, we’ll give you Mays, just reply. And don’t ‘reply all’ because we’d like to keep this thing as professional as possible. If we get some similar offers, we may open this thing up to Ebay, who knows?!

May the best franchise win, can’t wait to see you all out on the turf this year!

San Francisco 49ers


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